Shoup Airlines

Runners Beware: A New Threat

My knee started giving me fits a few months ago that severely curtailed my running. That sucked, because in addition to being unemployed, what else did I have to do with my spare time? I digress….(you’ll find that I digress A LOT. See, there I go again). The doctor couldn’t diagnose anything and not wanting to sky-rocket the bills (being unemployed) I decided to diagnose the problem myself. The remedy seems to work well, lasts a long time, ’nuff said. Only wish I’d done this before seeing the doctor. Hindsight….

Runners know that any kind of lengthy down time is going to blow no matter how you slice it. Your body will attempt to hold you hostage by giving you fetal position inducing side pains, silver dollar size blisters on your feet, “My God, just give me a knife so I can cut this muscle out” cramps, or simply just play mind games with you. You’ll swear you have been running all day, then come to find out you’re only a 1/2 mile into the run. Nothing is more infuriating! The only way I’ve found to fight is to push through it. Running partners help immensely. If anyone knows an easier way, I’m all ears.

I’m roughly about a month back into a routine. The body has been beaten back into submision, the frustration level is low, and I’m starting to enjoy the runs again. Today isn’t too warm, traffic on the street is light, a good string of songs on the MP3 player; however, something changes all that. This is the dialogue that occurs in my head, because, you know, I carry on conversations in my head. What? You don’t?

‘In the name of all that is good on this green Earth, what the *^%#$@ is that chasing me?!?!? THAT is not a dog, I can deal with a dog. Dear God, it’s gaining on me. Wait, fluffy ears, little button nose, why did a childhood cereal of fruity goodness just race through my head?’

‘Ah, it’s a bunny-wabbit, how cute. I’ll stop and pet it.’

‘No wait, reassess that idea moron! That’s a giant, 10 pound, albino rabbit with the nastiest red eyes you’ve ever seen. He’s sizing your ankle up for a new chew toy! Is that foam frothing from his mouth?’

‘Hold on a sec, he’s on the other side of that chain link fence. Thank God! Ooooh, he just plowed head first into the end of it. That couldn’t feel good. HAHA! Stupid rabbit, ankles are for runners! Oh crap, he’s trying to jump the fence. Run, Forrest, RRRRUUUUNNNNN!’

On the SPRINT home, the only thing playing through my head was the infamous scene from The Holy Grail. Heed this warning fellow runners, there are giant albino killer rabbits out there!

If I save just one runner from ending up like this, the post will be worth something. Wait, that’d imply people really read this. Never mind.