Shoup Airlines

26.2 Reasons

“So Mom, I’m going to run a marathon in October.”

“Oh yeah? How long is this one going to be?”

“Ehhh, this one? I didn’t know I had run one before. Sweet, no more training!”

I came to find out that my Mother thought any long run was defined as a marathon. Her definition of long not being very specific either. What’s funnier, the longest race I’ve been in is a 5k (3.2 miles for those still clinging to the English system). Yes Mom, all the marathons I’ve been in! So I told her of the masochistic ritual involving 26.2 miles that runners willingly put themselves through. This part will make my Mom happy: I’m finding that most people don’t really know how long a marathon is.

That’s right, boys and girls, it’s pseudo-history lesson time! The myth, because who in their right mind would have actually done this, takes place during the Persian Wars, circa 490 BC. The Greeks have just won the Battle of Marathon and Pheidippides (the original masochist) decides to run all the way to Athens, 26 miles away, to announce the victory. This is where most marathon runners end their story and sit back with that “I knew something you didn’t, Trivial Pursuit” smile on their face. What they fail to mention is that good ‘ol Pheidippides croaked right there on the spot after delivering the good news!

‘Wait! So what you’re telling me is that you are going to run some outrageous distance because some dude, that most likely didn’t exist, ran a distance that really doesn’t exist (Marathon to Athens is actually 21.4 miles) even though said fictional dude died after running the distance?’

‘Of course! Me, you, and the other voice in my head that has ignored us since the rabbit incident.’

‘Why?’

‘Why is he still ignoring us?’

‘NO! Why are WE running a marathon?’

‘I think George Leigh Mallory said it best when he stated “Because it is there.”‘

‘You mean the guy that died because it’s there?!’

‘Yeah, I figured we could keep the dead guy theme going.’

‘Okay, I’m going to ignore you now as well!’

Sorry folks, the voices in my head can get carried away at times. What? Oh, like you don’t have voices in your head. Uh-huh. But I digress. Reading up on this stuff is actually quite interesting, makes you cry out in agony, but nonetheless interesting. Take Paul Tergat for instance. This guy is the current world record holder with a time just under 2:05. That’s 4 minutes and 46 seconds per mile. PER MILE, PEOPLE, PER MILE!! Try running a 1 minute, 11 second quarter mile and let me know how you feel. Then picture doing it another 105 times!! Oh gee, what a surprise, Mr. Tergat is Kenyan!

No, I didn’t just decide to do this either. It’s been about four years in the making, festering in some dark, backwater, recess of my mind. I just thought I had it repressed well enough. I remember when I first started running, how much I hated it. Nothing has changed, I was just reflecting. However, now I have 26.2 reasons to absolutely loathe Pheidippides and his little white lie. Actually I’m only at 15 reasons right now, but just wait until October Mr. Pheidippides and I will take great pleasure (probably a little too much) in beating you down for each reason with my lifeless nubbins that used to be legs.