Shoup Airlines

Sprinkler #4

The bugs, realizing that winter is encroaching, once again pushed for backyard dominance. The earwigs launched another sabotage mission on the sprinklers, partially succeeding Friday. I think I caught them in the act as they were only able to take down three heads. What I found disconcerting though was the fact that the earwigs had come UP through the water line this time. How? How in the world could they have gotten into a closed water system? And if so, that means they’re in the entire house’s water system!!

After clearing the battlefield, I went about repairing the sprinklers and trying to find how they were getting into the system. They finally drew blood as I attempted to unscrew a head and the wrench slipped causing me to scrape my knuckle across the concrete. Took a big chunk of skin off too. On top of that, the earwigs rendered two sprinklers irreparable. They won that battle.

Today, I came back bandaged and ready for Armageddon. Replacing the two sprinklers, I went to test the system only to find that the wigs had clogged the repaired sprinkler again. I got Armageddon. Not only were the ants waiting for me, but it looks like they may have made another alliance…with a Luftwaffe! I don’t know for sure only because there were no acts of aggression toward me. It seemed the wasps were sizing their adversary up, buzzing in from afar and running high altitude reconnaissance.

Even so, the air wing distraction allowed a platoon of ants to swarm the sprinkler head. A futile attempt at best, but it made me realize this particular sprinkler may be important to them. Unscrewing the head, I found four, COUNT THEM, four earwigs ambushing me from the water line. One even got a pinch off, but my wrench finished him off in gory fashion (I think it had a vendetta for Friday’s atrocities). A quick order of feet finished the rest of the squad off. Now I know #4 is vital, but why?

As I finished clearing the suicide earwig from the sprinkler head, I caught some movement in the corner of my eye. By a freak stroke of luck I saw an earwig crawling from one of the anti-syphon valves for the sprinkler system and that’s when it donned on me. Running over to the valves, I unscrewed all three valves to find a mouse spider trying valiantly to stave off the wigs in one valve, their numbers just too many for him. The other two valves were entrenched with earwigs. I called in for the kill-o-matic spray and leveled the area. There’s enough pesticide in the anti-syphon valve area now to keep away small birds! I purged the system again once more for good measure and found TEN more earwigs in the line waiting to block sprinkler heads.

Thus ended the day’s battle for Sprinkler #4. Wet and battle weary, I was left with several thoughts. Why #4 is so important, I still don’t know. Recon shows the air force’s nest nearby, but not close enough to warrant such sacrifice. An ant hive may be closer and fearful of flooding, that would explain the quick arrival of the ant platoon. I just don’t know. I do know there were tens left dead today, and a patch of land left uninhabitable for all bugs. When will the madness stop? War is hell!

I return to base disgusted, frustrated, and with a truly morbid idea working it’s way to the surface. Would it be wise, nay, humane to unleash the ultimate weapon? I fear she would cause exceedingly too much devastation, but would it shock insect-kind enough to give up their mad pursuits?