Shoup Airlines

A Fail-Safe, Very Long Engagement of the Stealth, Desert Fox Finding Neverland in the Land of the Dead

This week we take a look at some good, some bad, and one that just hit every stinkin’ ugly branch on it’s way down the ugly tree where it hit the really, really ugly ground…

Brains! Brains! I think George A. Romero needed one as much as is undead zombies always want them, if his writing for Land of the Dead is any indication. Then again it fits nicely quite nicely into his bleak trilogy of cadaverous cannibals. The movie had potential, but that’s about it. This time around, the lifeless begin to learn and adapt, use tools and weapons, but still can’t seem to shake that whole stiff-legged two-step. Yet, somehow, they once again overpower the not so undead and the movie ends. Really, that’s it? Wow, I knew this would be bad, but I’m beginning to think even Elvira wouldn’t waste her time with this one on Movie Macabre…if it still existed. Ah, the memories of poking fun at bad horror flics.

Connelly, this one is black and white, so you can just skip over it. For our token war movie, we look at The Desert Fox starring James Mason as Erwin Rommel. Made way back in 1951, I thought this one might have some pretty good tank battle scenes or at least show the other side of the showdown with Patton. Nope, nada, nyet, nil, none of this. Instead, it focused on the end of the war and the complete lack of trust between Hitler and the higher ups. What made it hardest to watch was all the English accents running around in Nazi uniforms. I don’t even think they were trying to hide it. No matter how hard I tried to suspend the disbeliefs, it just sat there like an 800 lb. gorilla between me and the tv. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at suspending disbeliefs too, I mean I still like the Star Wars franchise after witnessing the monstrosity that was Jar Jar Binks.

Making up for the slow week or two in movie watching, I finally got a chance to see Finding Neverland. An emotional look at the life, inspirations, and times of J.M. Barrie as he wrote Peter Pan. Another excellent performance by Johnny Depp as Mr. Barrie, rounded out by Kate Winslet as the “mother of inspiration.” Guess you’ll have to see the movie to understand that one. I’m not a big fan of the Peter Pan story, but this movie gave me a new appreciation for the reasons behind it. Plus, the accents were much more acceptable in this film. I highly recommend it, fan or not of Captain Hook and crew.

Connelly, this one is subtitled so don’t bother. Guess that includes you too, Ken. Even with Audrey Tautou’s sudden catapult into U.S. popularity with the now well trod Amelie (I still haven’t seen it), the real diamond in the rough seems to have snuck in way below the radar. In fact, it may have hit the trees long before reaching the runway. A Very Long Engagement finds Audrey the true love of a soon shipped off soldier in WWI and that’s where normality takes a hike and Mr. Odd plops down front row, center. Told her fiance is dead, Audrey must find out for herself and sets out on a quest shrouded in mystery, intrigue, and all the other hackneyed plot lines that a screenwriter normally enters here. However, the way this story is told, aurally and visually, is extremely odd (it’s French), yet excellent at the same time. Rachel, you would love this movie. Sorry Ken, looks like you may be watching it anyway.

Based on the best selling book of the same title, Fail-Safe takes a look at the “then blossoming” meshing of man and technology in the 1960′s nuclear age and the possible consequences of uber-reliance on that tech. Amidst the hottest times of the Cold War, a computer displays the “monochrome screen of death” and sends a U.S. bomber squadron on an errant mission to dump 20 megatons of radiation on Moscow. A hard look is focused on the actions of the U.S. government to avert the planes and the outcomes if they can’t. Henry Fonda shines as the President, but Walter Matthau steals the show as this cold, callous, and calculating statistician that aids the U.S. panel. So much untapped potential there, he could have been such the quintessential bad guy, but instead he gave us Coach Buttermaker. Hard to say which I would have preferred, really. You may also be scratching your head and thinking, ‘golly, this sure does sound A LOT like Dr. Strangelove,’ and you’d be right. I always thought Dr. Strangelove was the parody of this movie, but I just discovered they both came out the same year. Even more interesting, they were both helmed by Columbia Pictures and both stories were eerily plagiaristic of the other, but because Fail-Safe painted such a raw and very possible what-if story it got swept under the rug. Still a very poignant film in today’s age, I highly recommend it or the book, if you can find it. Sorry Connelly, this is another black and white, so you wouldn’t like it.

As for that “ugly” movie I spoke of, you may want to avert your eyes of the upcoming train wreck or grab a bag of popcorn, whatever flips your cricket bat. I speak of Stealth and its’ just plain badness. I went into this movie knowing it was going to be bad, I just didn’t know how bleeding from the ears, wanting to stab my eyes out with feces-covered rusty nails, rip each and every nail from my fingers and toes, pull out each and every tooth with a pair of pliers sans novocaine, and then watch Glitter back to back to back bad it would be. Let’s just say I’d had enough when Jessica Biel crash lands and rips off her two piece flight suit for no other reason than to air out her “assets.” Yeah, you heard me right, a TWO-PIECE flight suit!? Goose is rolling over in his grave because of this outrageous desecration!

I’m also implementing a rating system for my reviews since I seem to review most of them in my living room where the coffee table with my crossword puzzles sit. I find myself working on a puzzle if I start getting bored with a movie. And since most of you know how fiendishly addicted I am to crosswords, you’ll be able to relate to the system. So let us rate!

Land of the Dead – 3/4 of a crossword

The Desert Fox – 3/4 of a crossword

Finding Neverland – I glanced at the crossword book, but didn’t pick it up.

A Very Long Engagement – Crossword puzzles!? I do crosswords?!

Fail-Safe – 0 crosswords

Stealth – Not only did I finish a crossword puzzle, I finished the entire book of puzzles, and proceeded to create, edit, and then print my own book of crosswords! So Connelly, you’ll probably like this movie.

Oddest Search Phrases Yet

For the most part, searches leading to my website have been pretty standard fare: my name, the web site’s name, etc., but today’s took the cake…

hangover achy legs

Don’t you just hate it when you’ve imbibed a bit too much and your legs let you know in the morning? Yeah, me neither. Not sure what was going on there.

anti-suicide sprinkler heads

I know exactly what was going on here! This guy/gal was ready to say adieu to this cruel world after losing face to the earwigs and in a last ditch effort thought he/she might finally find sprinkler heads that wouldn’t cause such drastic measures! Sorry, I couldn’t find the search engine this link came from.

A Word of Advice…Part Deux

Apparently you read the blog, which really begs the question why? And yet, avoiding the digression, you don’t seem to have retained Uncle Mikey’s moral all too well.

Yes, moving to the other woman’s cubicle (which literally has four walls) across the room to chat is a step in the right direction. However, when I’m working with the filing cabinets that abut said woman’s cubicle, I CAN STILL HEAR YOU WHISPERING!! I have to admit you both chitter with an unparalleled audacity, but thank you anyway for the unwarranted and supposedly unheard compliment. Think you can go tell “knee-high boots” this?

As for you, I don’t care if you’re the senior vice president of marketing and my immediate boss. Are you REALLY still questioning my spelling of dailies after showing you legitimate sources here, here, here, and here? I may be “just a temp,” but give me some credit, huh?!

And you two! It’s bad enough we all had to wear near identical shirts today, but did we all have to wear near identical ties as well? Well!? Okay, I guess it’s not so bad since all three of us work for different companies on the same floor, we only have to endure everyone’s snickers until the fourteenth floor. ‘Nuff said.

Or, maybe not!! Are. You. Kidding. Me?! You both have to use the bathroom at the same time I do not once, but twice?! TWICE?! What is this, “Dress like Shoup and follow him around all day Day?” That’s so pathetic even I’m laughing now.