Shoup Airlines

Goodnight, Sweetheart

It’s with great pleasure that I announce the turning in YET AGAIN of my M16. Apparently enough of us complained that the higher ups actually listened and did something about it. Then again, now that I think about it, sleeping with my M16 was the only action I’d been getting of late!

Originally, the company would issue rifles to a platoon two weeks before going out on their FTX. Then about two weeks before we got here someone decided how great an idea it would be to issue everyone weapons, WITH 5 BLANKS!!! YEAH!!! The rule says, “you should never be more than an arm’s length from your weapon.” Now picture working on your car, but wait, your car is the size of Big Foot and you have to constantly climb all over it with your M16. Fun stuff!

Oh, but it gets better! The grand stupid one (whoever he/she may be) decided that any time one was outside you were to lock and load. Yes, we were marching around with a frellin’ round chambered! The day that decree came down I wondered who, not if, there would be a negligent discharge. Surprisingly, no one pulled the trigger for two weeks, until the day before final weapons turn in.

See, we sling our weapons across our backs whenever we head to the DFAC (dining facility). Many think it’s funny to switch your fire selector from ‘SAFE’ to ‘SEMI’ or even ‘AUTO’ while standing in line behind you. Of course most of us immediately check our rifles as soon as we leave the DFAC, but some don’t. And that is how the poor sap ended up doing Iron Mikes* across the field for an hour after he suddenly discovered (the hard way) that his rifle was on full automatic.

So it is with a fond farewell that I kiss that weapon and all its stupid rules goodbye until I go on FTX.

*Iron Mike – Forward knee lunges with your M16 held over your head