Shoup Airlines

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

My top ten just got a bit more crowded. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a noir send-up based in modern day ‘behind the scenes’ Hollywood/L.A. I know, I know, what modern noir doesn’t do that these days? What, you don’t watch film noir? What’s wrong with you?

Kiss Kiss stars Robert Downey, Jr. and Val Kilmer in excellent roles. I’m biased when it comes to Mr. Downey, Jr., so you can throw anything I say about him out the window. I still think he was robbed of the Oscar for this one. But I digress…

Val Kilmer puts in a long overdue comedic performance that I’ve missed since the days of Chris Knight and Nick Rivers. One liners flying faster than he can nail a six inch spike through a board with his pe..[cough], excuse me. And Kilmer delivers with ‘flair’ too.

With character names like Harry Lockhart, Harmony Lane and Gay Perry they do an excellent job of firmly planting tongue in cheek while tipping the hat to noir. Oh, and it’s a dark comedy too otherwise you couldn’t really mock noir now could you? Oh yeah, that’s right, you don’t watch noir.

Paging Dr. Death

In the quest for all things aviation, the FAA requires that you get a medical evaluation at specific intervals depending on what you do. Airline pilots are 6 months or once a year, recreational pilots are once every three years and the complications quickly grow from there. Everyone hates them because one little hiccup can yank your flying privileges for a long time.

Well it was high time for my medical seeing as I hadn’t had one since before I was furloughed from Independence Air. Medicals are pretty straight forward with a specific set of tests and questions so you’re usually in and out of the office within a half hour, one hour at tops if it’s a busy day. Or so I thought…

I hadn’t gotten a medical in Southern California since ’97, so I was trying out a new office. I walked into the waiting room with my trusty aviation trade magazine that’s more like a 200 page tome these days and waited. A whole segment about band makeovers on the Tyra Banks show and a good 50 pages of the magazine later I was called in.

The nurse began the usual battery of tests: blood pressure, pulse, height, weight, urine and then came the vision test. While I was at the airline we had an AME (Aeromedical Examiner) that saw probably 90% of the airline’s pilots. His idea of a vision test went like so:

“You having any problems seeing? Blurred vision? Find yourself squinting?”

“No.”

“Okay, vision test is complete.” Short, sweet and to the point.

Here, the nurse walked me up to a machine that looked like an overgrown View-Finder on steroids and proceeded to administer the test. I was looking at a series of four circles, three with an opening. I was suppose to call out the one without the opening while the series continued to get smaller and smaller. It surprised me to find how quickly I found myself struggling.

My brain began sprinting. Uh oh, I must be getting old. This won’t bode well for the Army when I have to take their flight physical. Crap, am I going to need glasses? Or will I go with contacts?

The nurse then replaces the lenses with a new set labeled “Normal Vision.” Oh, the test should run better now. Nope, I start struggling again and really having to squint while the nurse continues to shuttle back and forth between series I thought I had already pointed out. This cannot be good.

She then decides to take me in for the hearing test. Now this one I’m curious about only because with the last half decade of hanging out around jet engines I think I’ve lost some hearing. The only problem is that with that phenomenal vision test still lingering in my head I can’t hear the beeps in my ears because my heart has decided to pound out Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture” with real cannon fire right between my ears!

After another stellar performance I get ushered into a room and told to wait for the doctor. An hour later, the bright and cheery doctor finally comes in and immediately begins waxing nostalgic about flying. He was an F-4 pilot in Vietnam and then the now retired Regional Medical Examiner for United Airlines. I mention that I flew for Independence Air and I kid you not, it felt like the temperature in the room dropped a good 20 degrees. Mr. Bright and Cheery was immediately replaced by something very dark. Something that would have sent the Wicked Witch of the East running and screaming. This is not good when you’re right in the middle of turning your head and coughing. Yeah, that test. Other than what was required for the exam, the doctor spoke nary a word after that.

“Okay Mr. Shoup, I can’t seem to find anything wrong with you, unfortunately. Vision and hearing are perfect. Blood pressure is textbook. Everything looks good.”

Whuuh? Vision is good? I thought I blew that, but I can’t ask because all communication has died like a butterfly trying to stop a full speed train. More importantly, what do you mean by ‘unfortunately’ you old wanker?! Do you look forward to squashing pilot’s careers?

I get sent back to the waiting room while my medical gets typed up. They weren’t kidding about waiting. Half and hour later I’m finally paying and the nurse walks by so I query her about the vision test.

“Oh yeah, heh, sorry ’bout that. We’re required to test all the way down to 20/10, but I also found out I wasn’t testing you quite properly. Nothing to worry about. Would you like to do it again?”

“Um, no thanks.” I’ve spent enough time in this parlor of death.

Walking out the door, I glance at my watch. Three hours. THREE HOURS! I can’t wait to see what my next medical entails.

As We Swelter

As Judd and I drive the four hours back to LA in a car with no air conditioning and a black interior (laugh it up while you can) I thought I’d leave some parting shots of Lake Havasu from the air. This first one is the obligatory group shot. Yeah!

This is a pretty good view of most of the Lake as well as Havasu Island. If you look really close at the far end of the island you still can’t see the London Bridge. What you really can’t see is the pool of sweat we’re sitting in while it’s 105 degrees even with that giant fan blowing in front of us!

We found this little ‘mini’ airport on the east side of town. It’s a fully inclusive airport with runways, a helipad and little taxipads for radio controlled aircraft. I would really hate to see what it costs to use that place, it can’t be cheap having to recoup those costs.

I guess this would be the other obligatory photo of any flight we take. Shot on final to Runway 14, Judd’s hands are steady because I haven’t told him yet that this is my first landing in nine months. Just kidding, it was the first landing in a tricycle gear plane! I was flying tailwheels last week.