Shoup Airlines

FLX – Day 2

Have you ever run a compass course? Through a dense forest? Or thick, 4 foot high bush? While it was 96°? With 90% humidity? Over a 3 mile course? With a time limit? Me neither, the humidity was only 89%.

I did have something else to deal with on this course. We all did. But I want you to open a new browser window and go to Wikipedia first so you can appreciate this story that. Much. Better. You there? Type in “golden silk orb-weaver” and take a good long look at that bad boy girl. Now spread your hand out and place it about an inch from your face. That is the exact size and location of the first weaver I met today about five minutes into the land navigation course. I stopped to check my azimuth against the map, looked up and she was sitting in her web staring at me eye to eye. I say she because as is often the case with arachnids the male is a sixteenth the size of the female. Anyway, after shaking off the heeby jeebies, I noticed these weavers were EVERYWHERE. You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not! You would literally take 10 to 15 steps and then have to navigate around another cluster of weavers.

Now you’re asking yourself, “come on, these things can’t be that bad?” Oh, but they are. Somehow they have the ability to span a web across trees anywhere from 3 to 6 feet wide, and then sit in the middle of them which places them roughly 5 to 6 feet in the air. Conveniently right at face level. Have I mentioned that they were EVERYWHERE yet? The best part came when you’d find a web in front of you, turn to the left and find a web there too, turn to the right and find another freakin’ web there as well and be almost afraid to look behind you because you just knew there would be another web impossibly behind you. I’m serious people, these things were EVERYWHERE!

Oh, but I always save the best for last! As I mentioned earlier I didn’t NOTICE the spiders until five minutes into the course and because I’ve subtly mentioned that the weavers were EVERYWHERE, I had apparently already walked through a couple webs. I remember feeling a spiderweb strand across my face at one point but paid it no mind because I didn’t know what I was up against…yet. After receiving that little face to face meet and greet and waiting for my heart to dislodge itself from my throat, I took a step back and began to realize just how many of these spiders were around. Then I remembered the strand across my face. And then I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something crawling up my shoulder. Slowly. Methodically. Something black and yellow. Something that made me fling my clipboard at my shoulder while also scattering my M16, my hat, my compass, all my paperwork and my eye protection all while doing that heeby jeeby dance for a couple seconds. You ALL know the dance I’m talking about. IT HAD GIRTH, people!

After I picked up my dignity along with everything else that had been yard saled all over the forest floor, I couldn’t find the weaver I had just flung off my shoulder. Nor could I find any others on me, but that didn’t calm my nerves any. The only thing I can say proudly is that I didn’t scream like a little girl. Nope, the guy about 50 meters to my right took care of that about 2 minutes later. Stupid spiders!

The photo was taken at the end point of the course.  It doesn’t do it justice, but we’re soaked to the bone in sweat. What the photo does get right is the fatigue in my face. One of the other “fun” little challenges with the heat was that because of all the sweat your laminated map would inevitably get wet and smear, if not completely erase, your waypoints. So you were constantly re-plotting points. This all occurred before 9 a.m., that’s how bad the humidity and heat was!

FLX – Day 1

It used to be a Field Training Exercise but now because we’re in a leadership course it’s called the Field Leadership Exercise. Any way you slice it it’s still camping. No showers, no air conditioning, just tents and sleeping bags. With the occasional insurgent attack, blanks and smoke grenades included at 3:30 in the morning, of course.

We got bussed out today and ran around doing those leadership events that are nearly impossible to complete in the time allotted. 10 minutes from start to finish with a rotation of new leader on each event. After eleven of those I had gone through 6 liters (yes, liters) of water and probably 3 liters of sweat. Have I mentioned the humidity down here yet?

Once at the FOB (Forward Operating Base (camp site)) we were pretty damn pissed to find our tents had no air conditioning and right next door the kids just out of Basic did. I’ve done a lot of camping in all kinds of weather but I have never been as miserable trying to sleep as I was during this week.

Where’d You Get Those Peepers

Today was so much fun I just don’t know where to begin! If and when you decide to fly, be it civilian or military, understand that you must get poked and prodded on occasion by a doctor. With that said, you shouldn’t be surprised that in the military they like to poke and prod a bit more extensively. So extensively that an Army flight physical generally takes ALL DAY to complete. My first one was required for acceptance to flight school and I just realized you haven’t heard that story because I didn’t post it. Oops.  Anyway, it’s only nine months old but now that we’re here they wanted another one just to make sure we’re all in tip top shape before going to SERE. We get to take another one after SERE to make sure everything is still okay. Gee, can’t imagine why…

Anyway, today started at 0500 to make a 0615 flight physical. Once there, we discover the office doesn’t even open until 0630. Cool. Once the doors are opened, we’re greeted by those oh so wonderful nurses that are tired of dealing with brand spanking new warrants and repeating the same instructions day in and day out. Cutting through the grouchiness and finished with all the paperwork, we complete the standard eye and ear exams but because there are 35 of us it takes a couple hours. Next up, blood donations for the usual battery of tests and then at 0900 it’s time for everyone’s favorite eye drops: The Dilated Pupil Drops! Yeah!

For those not in the know, there are two sets of drops. The first drops anesthetize your eyes, the second ones dilate your pupils to the size of large dinner plates. The doctors use these for a couple different tests, to check what I’m not sure. The side effects are what everyone has fun with. Within 5 minutes you cannot read a single thing closer than 15 feet away. Makes for loads of fun when you’re trying to fill out medical forms! And it lasts for hours. Just make damn sure you don’t go anywhere near outside without a pair of shades on or you’ll finally comprehend what it’s like to be Dracula on a beautifully bright, sunny day. Yes, the pain is that bad. Just trust me on this one.

Today’s interesting tidbit, these drops had a little extra kick to them. About 15 minutes into saucer eyes and we were all feeling high. Or what we think high feels like, anyway. Loopy is about the best descriptor. Right on the verge of “whoa man, look at my hand, it’s all wavy and stuff, man!” high. I stood up to head for the water fountain. Boy, was that a mistake. I promptly sat back down and just watched the pink elephants dance around my head.

Once the eye tests were complete and we had some semblance of sight and sanity back, oddly enough we all had the munchies. But I think that had to do with the fact that it was lunch time and no one had eaten since 2200 the night before for blood testing. Coincidentally, the doctors all went to lunch so we went to lunch as well.

Back to the hospital at 1245 for the actual doctor visit, you spend more time sitting around in the waiting room because once again there are 35 of us and most still can’t read anything closer than 5 feet in front of their faces. Of course the doctor visit lasts less than 5 minutes and it’s another Class 1 Flight Physical approval! Out the door at 1500, shades tightly clamped to the eyes.

“Hey, who wants to get a beer?”

“Nah, I want to get me some more of them eye drops!”