But I think I can already see Mother Rucker through the front windshield!

I had been planning to run this banner forever and a day while I was still in flight school but the chance never really showed itself.  Then of course as I was frantically trying to leave this little burgh, I remembered I wanted to get the shots while the sun was setting.  Unfortunately, the packing took longer than planned and it was dark before I could get over.  But enough about my excuses, let’s talk boll weevils!

Back in the early 1900s when the stereotypical crop to grow in the south was cotton, Enterprise was no exception.  The boll weevil, a nasty looking little bugger, moved right in and decimated the crops forcing the town to branch out in farming in order to sustain itself.  Still being a typical southern town, they decided to switch over to peanuts and flourished in an expanding economy that even cotton couldn’t bring in.  In 1919, the statue was erected and still graces the main street intersection today.  It is said to be the only monument dedicated to an insect.

It’s also said to be the source of some of the world’s worst puns. Unbollweevilable, right?

As for me, I am back in Enterprise and remembering with every drop of sweat that falls from my brow at 8am why I love this place SO much!  I’m actually back for the better part of 6 weeks attending the ALSE (Aircraft Life Saving Equipment) course.  Army pilots have several additional duties along with flying, running the ALSE shop tends to be one of the first ones for newer pilots.  For the most part, the course basically covers all the inspections, servicing and maintaining of the first aid and survival kits on the aircraft along with the vests and helmets we wear while flying.  The course also includes a week of learning how to use a sewing machine.  Yes, that’s right folks, your tax dollars hard at work teaching me how to create this:

To make matters worse, Los Al has been flying its collective tail off as more people are returning from flight school and some of these pilots actually like flying on a regular basis. Shocking, I know! It doesn’t help that the field is also short a large number of mechanics and a lot of the birds are down for pre-deployment modifications. Mixing those numbers together created a total of ONE flyable Blackhawk for the week. That’s out of 16. Because that’s not enough Shafty factor, as most of you know, July is my birth month PLUS it’s the second to last week of July PLUS I was scheduled to leave as soon as the eval was finished for Havasu and then leave from there for a 6 week jaunt in ‘Bama. Ah, that’s more like it.

I felt like Drago walking around on Monday reminding people that if they broke the Hawk, I’d break them. Tuesday arrived and miraculously the Hawk was chugging right along. I began thinking I might pull this one out smoothly. Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll learn either. When the crew arrived that was to fly the Hawk after my eval, I clued into the fact that something might be amiss since I was still waiting for my instrument evaluator (IE). One “pleasant” phone call later and we had remedied the situation. He had canceled the flight last week and they had forgotten to take it off the schedule. Or let me know.

Now throw into the mix that IE’s are not a dime a dozen or readily available in a Guard unit along with the fact that the flight schedule is set in concrete a week out and Shafty is winking at me. We scramble to find another IE and not only somehow do that but bump an understanding pilot on the afternoon schedule for the very next day (my birthday). Take that, Shafty!

I proceed home and since I’m planning to leave for 7 weeks the next day, I pack. Also being a bit perturbed and pre-birthday-ish I have a glass of wine or 4. The next morning I’m rudely awakened by a phone call long before I’m supposed to get up. The crew that was to fly the Hawk after my eval? Yep, they broke it. They need me to go in early and help test fly the bird after it’s fixed to bring it back up to flight status. Guess Shafty didn’t like the wink. For those counting, don’t worry, I was outside my 12 hours but that doesn’t mean I was happy.

I figure by completing the test flight we can have the Hawk up early which means I can get the eval knocked out earlier and be on the road for Havasu sooner. Sound reasoning, right? Sure enough, the bird is ready to go by 10. The IE? He wants to have his lunch and will be there at the scheduled time of 12:30. Ok, no problem, I’ll just have everything ready to go so he can just hop in and we’ll go. I failed to remember this particular IE likes to talk. To anyone. About anything. He arrived at Flight Ops around 12:15, I finally dragged him to the aircraft at 1:00. I finally got him IN the aircraft at 1:30 because he wanted to talk. We got off the ground at 2:00 because he wanted to talk. It took me thirty minutes to complete the approaches required for the eval, he talked the whole time. We landed so I could get out and the understanding pilot from earlier could fly the rest of his period. I almost couldn’t get out of the aircraft because the IE wanted to keep talking.

I was finally free of my APART requirements and headed for Havasu. Schweet! By the way, I just left my sunglasses in the aircraft that is lurching off the ground. Five bucks says the IE is talking to them right now.

You’d think the story ended there. If only…

I head home and frantically load the car with everything I’ll need for 7 weeks hoping I’ll be able to beat the afternoon traffic. I’m finally on the road at 3:30. Can you see where this is going? Ha! You’re wrong. Believe it or not, the 91 traffic is pretty light. Woohoo!  I’m home fr…ah crap what’s this?! Ok, maybe you’re right. I hate you! It takes me 2 hours to get through the Cajon Pass! I finally peel myself out of the car at 9:30 in Havasu where it’s still 103. Sadly, this is still more appealing than the weather that awaits me in ‘Bama.

Think the story ends there? Nope

I unpack the car and finally begin to relax but there is something just starting to itch in the back of my head. I can’t quite place it because I’m tired, mayb…Oh Come On! You HAVE to be kidding me!

My carry on bag is still sitting on the bed with my uniforms. In Buena Park.

-sigh-

That’s right, it’s all about me! Wait, if that was the case I wouldn’t be within 50 miles of this. Planning this is the bulk of the reason why I can’t get out of here until the 19th.

Is it February 19th yet?

And yet I still have no clue when my parole date might be.  Stay tuned for further developments.

If your last name is Lemieux and you are in the NHL, is it a requirement that you retire for 4 or 5 years before returning to the sport?

Lastly, how many times can one not from ‘Bama tolerate Sweet Home Alabama while imprisoned in ‘Bama before making Charles Manson look like the poster child for Buddhism?

So I’ll leave you with a short I saw a while back and found eerily interesting.  I bring it to your attention only because I have nothing else and Hollywood has gotten a hold of it and left their greasy paw prints all over it.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And here’s the mainstream trailer for the curious:

Click here to view the embedded video.